Monday, August 27, 2012

ZOMFG. IT'S 2012. WE ARE BACK.

A lot has happened in the four years since our last post. Mainly, there's a new set of cheekbones in town, and, well, they're not half bad. In fact, last time we checked they were off our [un]patented scientific, er, schmientiffic measurement device, the Chertoff Cheekbone Scale®, or as we prefer to call it the CSS®.

As you may recall, said scale is named after the sharpest, most prominent cheekbones to ever grace our United States government, former Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff. If we could build a little home in the valley of his zygomatic arch and live out the rest of our days in those deep dark crevices shielded from the horrors of humanity, we'd trade in our sorry, savage lives immediately. We're serious. Can you handle it? Or at least laugh at that thought with us?

Stay tuned. We got a killer exposé on Mitt Romney's visage, as well as Paul Ryan's and others. It's 2012, bitches, and it's time to get real. Real creepy. WHO'S WITH US? As always, you can submit your neighborhood government official for our critique at chertoffsfabulousbonestructure at gmail dot com.